10 things no-one tells you about running

Ten things you only find out by actually running – Welcome to the wonderfully glamorous world of long distance running

Running in Canberra isn’t so bad after-all

1. You will eat bugs
   – Sure enough on that peaceful sunset run next to a nice lake/river you will encounter a hoard of bugs that seem intent on kamikaze flight paths into your mouth/up your nose. Breathing being an essential part of running will aid their plight and you will spend the next thirty seconds snorting, coughing and trying to eject the little bastard from your nasal cavity. Embrace it as a source of protein.
2. Your feet will lose all feeling
   – Blisters than don’t heal for months, losing toenails and finding out several days later that the little rock that went into your shoe apparently worked a hole in your heel and now has a healthy fresh layer of skin covering it. It will be gross, but your feet will become an asset defined by their utility. They get me from A to B. Their maintenance is important to keep them working, but not their looks or feelings.
3. There will be gas
   – both ends. If you’re lucky it will just be gas… The most inspirational athlete I’ve seen speak is Kurt Fearnley. My favourite anecdote was from when he was defending his title at the New York marathon and shat himself at the 32km mark. With over ten km to go, he went on to win gold.
4. Ice baths/cold showers will become your friend and compression socks work
   – I don’t know how, but wear then if you want to walk normally tomorrow. Ditto the ice bath.
5. Chafing is an issue
   – prepare yourself for weeping sores that don’t seem to heal, created from next to nothing. You will gain a whole new appreciation for seam free everything and bepanthen.
6. It will increase your flexibility
   – OK so the next day after a long run you won’t feel flexible, you will wake up feeling like an 80 year old who has spent the last 60 years living a box – but after a few weeks of training you will realise that somehow touching your toes is much easier that it ever was. Take the jagged yoga pill after your run and you will get serious rewards.
7. It will increase your creative thoughts/philosophical ponderings
   – many great writers/comics/philosophers credit long distance running to developing and fostering new ideas. Maybe its the increased blood flow that opens your mind?
8. You will be starving
   – all the time. Thoughts of food will consume your day and when you do eat, you will be insatiable. But that’s ok cause you just ran 20km, dig in! Enjoy those carbs, you’ve earnt it!
9. It is really time consuming
   – “back in a tic, just gotta do this 20km easy-slow” said no one ever.
10. It will teach you more about self-control, who you are, and what you are capable of than any self-help book ever will.
    –  You’ve heard the adage “your body is capable of doing anything your mind tells it to” well actually it’s capable of much more. During standard strength tests in the 60’s scientists found that when subjected to loud sudden noises people could express much more force than by sheer will-power alone. (http://jap.physiology.org/content/16/1/157) This has been shown time and time again through studies and anecdotal evidence (‘Mum lifts car off her toddler’ etc. etc.).
    As for running long distances, train the mind first, everything else is details; or as Kurt Fearnley puts it: “Your body is an idiot. It will listen I anything you tell it.” So why not tell it to run a marathon?

Donate here: https://runningfestival2016.everydayhero.com/au/cos-and-the-big-3-0

Why all the running?

I spend a lot of time while running, thinking about why I run.
In a nutshell; its because I can.

I know I’m lucky to have legs that work, that can take me where ever I want to go. They may not be fast or particularly coordinated, but they work.
For that I am really grateful.
There may be a time in my life where they stop working, or won’t take me as far, but for now I choose to celebrate by climbing mountains, running in circles around lake Burley Griffin and wearing way too much pink.

I sign up for these things because I want to know that I can do them, and dare I say I often enjoy it. But not all the time.

The first half-an-hour of running is shit. I hate it. My legs beg me to stop, they protest by being more uncoordinated than usual; my mind screams at me to go home, watch tv, eat some ice cream, bacon, chocolate fudge, – heck you can have all three together just stop running!
But then something happens… I let go. I plod along looking at the trees, the birds, the little bunny rabbits, thinking about nothing in particular, smiling at people and enjoying the moment. I stop thinking about work, recovery methods, my training plan, my time/speed/distance and let my mind wander.

Let go and all suffering will cease.
I always struggled with this Buddhist concept but running has helped. I think the Oatmeal sums up the journey to running Nirvana the best with his Blergh comic: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

Good bye Timor

As soon as the door closed the tears started. Big fat droplets during the safety brief merged into hiccups and sobs as we taxied down the runway. It was official, I was leaving Timor Leste.

I was crying for the same reason I cried when I left Australia 6 months ago, bound for Timor. I loved my life here and would miss my friends dearly. The irony wasn’t lost on me, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

I was also crying because there is so much more I could be doing to make the world a fairer place. It’s not fair that I can get on a plane and fly away to a “privileged life”. What gives me that right?
My mother was always careful to be completely fair between my brother and I. She would spend equal amounts on our Christmas presents, we would receive equal amounts of pocket-money and we would get equal scoops of ice-cream. I took that philosophy on-board. When I feed seagulls at the beach, I tear the chips into little pieces and throw them all at once, so every seagull gets a chip! But the world isn’t like that. Not everyone gets a chip. Perhaps my mother would have better prepared me for the realities of life by beating me with a stick while feeding my brother ice-cream.

The jets drowned out my sobs as I watched the little island I called home get smaller and smaller beneath me.

July 2015

10 tips for riding a motorcycle in Dili, Timor Leste

1. Dili has road rules, they just aren’t written down anywhere. Well, they do have a national highway code, but these are completely irrelevant.. Take the time to get to know the traffic and learn when you have right of way and when you do not.

2. Beeping is a vital, albeit complex communication method. My interpretation: 1 beep: “Oi” or for those non-Australians “Hello, just letting you know I am here”. It can also mean “Hey look a Malae!” (foreigner) 2 beeps: “Watch it!” Or “Hey look a Malae!” Continuous beep: “If you don’t change directions one of us are going to die” or “Hey check out this awesome horn I have that stays on for an extended period of time, look it’s now playing a little song, isn’t it great?”

3. Always assume everyone’s brake lights are out. That way you’ll get a pleasant surprise rather than having to clean your underwear.

4. You are only entitled to the space you’re currently taking up. It isn’t “your lane” and you cannot move left or right as you please. In Australia they teach you to move across your lane to give ‘a buffer’ between you and potential traffic moving into or across your lane. You don’t have this option here. Your lane will be taken up by other scooters, cars, oncoming traffic, dogs, goats, children, chickens and many, many potholes.

5. Feel free to indicate as much or as little as you like, no one cares. People will often overtake you on the right, while you’re indicating right and slowing down to turn.. If you have a passenger get them to put their hand out (like you’re on a bicycle) to stop people from doing this.

6. Don’t think that the police, ambulances or government cars won’t run you over. If the sirens are on, get the hell out of the way.

7. Never drive to the left of a mikrolet (the local public transport). They frequently stop to let people in or out.
8. If you want to go straight after stopping at a set of lights, keep to the far right of the lane (right side of the cars), not the middle. If you’re on the other side of the road that’s perfectly acceptable.

9. There are rules that you must obey. I’m not sure why but if you break them people on the street will stop and yell at you.. These include: – Not going past the invisible white line when stopped at traffic lights. Not stopping is OK, but if you do stop it has to be behind the lights. – Going the wrong way down a one way street. Driving on the footpath is OK, but not the wrong way on the road. This is incredibly frustrating as Dili is a maze of one way streets.

10. Whoever drives on the white line in the middle of the road wins! Extra points if you cause oncoming traffic to serve. All car drivers believe this, but the taxis are definitely winning.

June 2015

I will miss this place

I’m doing 80 on my motorbike down beach road. The sun is rising over my shoulder. The air is cool, the suns rays are warm and my little scooter is purring away under me. A smile crosses my face. I’m on my way to work, a frustratingly wonderful job that I love.

I will miss this place.

I won’t miss the ants, or the insane drivers; but I will miss the weather, the adventures, the food, and most of all the people. Locals whose perseverance and positive attitude is something everyone, everywhere should aspire to; fellow humanitarian volunteers who share my views on the world (what if we all helped each other? Imagine what we could achieve?!); both of which have taught me life lessons and who I hope will always remain my friends.
Only a few weeks left until I leave. This has been the most wonderful journey and I am so grateful to my past self to have the gumption to go through with the decision to leave my comfy life in Australia, and go to Timor. It has only been 6 months, but this will experience stay with me forever more.

July 2015

Another day in Dili

I’m enjoying my life here in Dili, the strange intricacies of living here are starting to become normal. You get used to things being a little odd and resolving problems which you never thought could actually be a problem.

Today I went to a second hand clothes market, these markets are really the only place in Timor to buy ‘Western sized’ clothes. The market is makeshift huts or shacks, with bamboo or pieces of wood for racks. All of the clothes are second hand and most of them left behind by people just like me. I was after a pair of shorts and found the only pair that looked like it might fit my ample booty, and a few T-shirts. Off to the change room: a bedsheet covering a very small corner of the hut.

 

Midday, under a tin roof, in a shack with rice sacks for walls, it was well over 30 degrees. I was wrestling to pull a tshirt over my now sweating body, without punching a hole through the wall with my elbow. I got it on and although it was quite dark and there wasn’t a mirror, I thought it seemed to fit OK… and then the itching started. I lifted up the shirt to find hundreds of little dots on my stomach. Ants. It would appear the tshirt had been full of ants.
The little red ants were biting angrily, everywhere they could, and spreading quickly. I started smushing them while trying to take the shirt off and without falling out of the mini change-room. A very bizarre dance ensued, along with quite a bit of swearing and a lot of sweat..
This hardly even happens at Myer..

I’m not comfortable unless I’m uncomfortable

I had a fantastic weekend pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

I snorkelled where crocodiles have been seen, I got air on a motocross jump and I free climbed a rock face.

Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a little clumsy. It has often been suggested that I should put bubble wrap on my furniture edges so I’ll stop bruising myself. In short, coordination is not my strength.

 

So why then do I push myself to do things that may result in death if my clumsiness prevails?

When George Mallory was asked why he wanted to climb Everest he said “because it’s there” … and that is a factor. (“Wow, look at that jump, I should bring my bike here!”) But for me, its because I want to know that I can do it.

 

The fear lets me know I’m on the edge of my skill set (if not totally beyond) but that’s not a good reason to stop. We have so many limitations placed on us we don’t need more from ourselves. How do you learn and grow as a person if you don’t challenge yourself, push yourself further each time?

 

For me, bravery isn’t about feeling no fear, it’s being scared shitless and doing it anyway. It’s jumping into the black water for a night dive, choosing to go down the double black diamond ski-run over the green, letting go of the plane or pushing yourself deeper when your lungs are screaming for air. When you are in control of whether you live or die, that’s when you discover who you are and what your really capable of.
And besides, it’s bloody good fun!

 

 

“What we get from this adventure is just sheer joy. And joy is, after all, the end of life. We do not live to eat and make money. We eat and make money to be able to enjoy life. That is what life means and what life is for.”  – George Mallory

 

Zombies are people too

I am a zombie film connoisseur. I have seen many, both on the big screen and TV, of all different types, nationalities, and even been to a zombie film festival. I believe it is a genre all to itself. One that lies somewhere between supernatural and apocalyptic in the horror section. But there is something special about these films.

I believe they reveal something quite unique about the human psyche.

Zombie films are popular because they walk the line that allows for guilt free killing of humans. Zombies are classified as no longer human, void of rights and status. They can and will tear you apart given the chance, so you must attack or be attacked. There is little remorse shown for killing them, even when they were human only moments before. This is quite different from war films for example, where even though the enemy is trying to kill you, they are still humans with family and feelings.

Firstly, there are several types of zombie films: Ultra gore, apocalyptic, comedy and bad. Each of these brings a new depth to the genre.

Ultra gore is often combined with apocalyptic. ‘The hoard’ and ‘the zombie diaries’ both reveal that even in the face of great adversity and a common enemy, people will still attack, kill and plot revenge against each other, even if it means certain death from a hoard of super strong zombies.

Conversely there are some apocalyptic zombie films, such as the German ‘the siege of the dead’ and the big budget ’28 weeks later’ that demonstrate the heroic self sacrifice for youth and love. Even if it means certain death from an infected raging hoard of zombies or being burnt to death.

Bad zombie films need no explanation. Most of these films fail because they simply don’t allow the audience to connect with the main character, thus no one cares if they get eaten from a hoard of zombies. However, there is the odd exception where the plot is so complex and convoluted, combined with dodgy special effects, that the audience literally have no idea what’s going on, who’s eating who. ‘The city of the living dead ‘ (an old Italian film) is a great example of this. But rest assured, everyone gets eaten by a hovering convoy of zombies.

Zombie comedy is a difficult genre. Most of these films are on the verge of bad. But Fido is a shining light. (And my favourite zombie movie.) Set in a Stepford wives 1950’s town, zombies are tamed with an electronic collar and used as cheap labour, slaves and entertainment. Billy Connelly plays the main character, (how random is that?) a zombie butler befriended by a lonely boy. Fido causes the audience to re-evaluate human rights and equality.

Which brings me to Zombie human rights. These are surely debatable in the courts. Zombies are not in a vegetative state and have previously taken a breath; hence it should legally be murder to kill them. But they are already dead you say? The moment of death hasn’t actually been certified by a doctor, and they are running around, ‘the walking dead’ even proves marginal brain activity. S

Indeed there are some films which verge on classifying zombies as humans. Zombies share the protagonist role in both ‘Fido’ and ‘land of the dead’ where they are merely disabled by death. We feel sorry for them that they are not let into our society due to their disability. We are also taught to respect them as the people they once were in the TV series ‘the walking dead’ and not to find enjoyment in hacking up their bodies with an axe.

Ultimately the question still remains, should a person be treated differently simply because they are slightly disabled by death? Should capital punishment for Zombies be legal?