Enjoying the journey

Each morning I take the train to work. It takes about an hour, including a 20min walk to the station. I don’t mind the journey. The route is actually the historic “may flower” line, which joins the oldest recorded town in Britain to the construction site of the largest offshore wind farm (my office.)
Every morning and afternoon I see the green rolling hills of the English countryside. Rabbits, pheasants, cows, sheep and the odd fox graze and hunt next to the line. The harbour, scattered with yachts is always tranquil. And did I mention the free Metro paper?
But more than the daily gossip or picturesque views is the time I reclaim as my own. I am on a journey to a destination and for that reason my internal task master is quenched. Finally she gives me time to think, to listen to music, gaze at the views or simply ponder the existence of the world.
I enjoy the journey irrelevant of the destination.

How often do we enjoy the journey itself?
Do we relish the journey with study, relationships or a career? Or are we so focused on the destination that the mandatory “travel time” is seen as a nuisance or a waste of time?
It is interesting to think how much of our lives is in a state of flux. If we do not see the journey as an essential part of the process, as essential as the destination itself, and try to block it out, it will surely dim the sweet reward of reaching our destination.

Every exam makes the graduation more of an accomplishment.

Every step of the Inca trail made the views that little bit more incredible.
Every tear between Adam and I makes our smiles that bit sweeter.

 

July2011

Get your dance on!

The sun kissed my shoulders, warming me throughout, the sand beneath me was cool under the top layer, I sunk my feet deep. I breathed in the cool salty air and opened my eyes to the bright blue sky that was mirrored by the aqua coloured waves. I looked both up and down the beach and saw no one. A smile spread across my face. It was a perfect day, clear sky, clear water, warm sun and an entire beach to myself. There is only one thing to do in a situation like this.
Dance
I plugged my ipod in and cranked the volume up. Jet’s “Are you gunna be my girl” blared in my ears and out came the moves. There is something liberating about dancing wildly in a public place in broad daylight. You can sing as loud as you want, try all those moves too dangerous or stupid for the dance floor and best of all, you can do it naked if you so wish. For those who haven’t tried that, please do so or at least put it on your bucket list. “Must dance nude in the sun.” On a side note, the worm is not advisable if you are nude on a beach..

Meanwhile I was pumping out the moves. My dancing style is a cross between Rhianna and Urkel with some hardcore shufflin and some JT thrown in, but on the beach the moves get wild. I throw in a running man, a robot, a matrix move or two and even a cartwheel. I swap to some Ministry of Sound and by the end of the 5th song I’m puffing. I cool off in the empty aqua blue ocean and float under the sun.

Life can be complicated and difficult but in any day there can be a moment that makes your soul smile. A beautiful beach and some good music easily makes all the dramas inconsequential. Life is good and simplicity is perfection.

10th Feb 2012

Divorce Porn

The divorce porn industry is lucrative and growing… No, not that type.. I’m talking about the hoards of memoirs, novels and articles giving gritty details of the final stages of a relationship breakdown and what happens next. 
Elizabeth Gilberts “Eat pray love” is a key example and testament to just how lucrative an industry it is.
Why?
Because everyone loves to find out what happened between two people that made them stop loving each other or caused them to simply throw their hands up in the air and say it’s all too hard. Often after a breakup even random acquaintances will ask what happened and probe for gory details of the relationship aftermath.
“Were other people involved? Do you think he’s lying? Did you ever love him? Didn’t you see the signs?”
Or add very unhelpful, uneducated analysis, such as ‘I bet they never loved you’ or ‘You could have fixed it if you’d really wanted too’ or my favourite ‘I bet he was fucking that slut the whole time.’ Did I mention these are not helpful remarks? 


But who can blame us? Our eyes cannot help but linger a little longer on breakup speculations splashed across the covers of glossy mags, our tongues cannot help but ask strangers why their marriage dissolved and we cannot help but analyse and speculate behind backs. Why do we do this? Perhaps we think there is a thread of truth somewhere in the post mortem that might give us insight into our own relationship. A warning sign, a green light or a key learning that we can take away. Something that will prevent the pain next time or maybe give us an indicator that our plane is in a downward spiral and to “BRACE, BRACE, BRACE!”


To quote a previous blog post,  “I’m of the belief that relationship success is not dependant on how it ends…A relationship that is/was happy, filled with treasured memories and learnings is a successful one. If it ends because it had stopped fitting that criteria, despite all attempts, then kudos to you for being honest. If you managed to get through the breakup without throwing objects at each other or hiring a lawyer and you still remain friends, even greater kudos to both of you!”
(http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/08/seagulls-and-relationship-success.html 2011)


Frankly I’m of the belief that distance and no communication is best for all concerned. I always liken it to cutting an arm off, would you rather do it quickly or have it hanging there half severed for a few days/weeks/months, slowly going septic? And you wouldn’t carry it around with you after you hacked it off would you? Well maybe you would if you were still trying to stick it back on.. But after you knew it was dead you’d probably let it go..  Gory I know, but it makes sense to me. 

I’m off to clean the blood from my machete but don’t worry, I won’t leave you without some divorce porn cause I know you need your fix. Here are a few pieces of constructive criticism that  I have received over many years of dating from the most honest source of feedback, ex-boyfriends! When collaborated they really are a wonderful source of information.. Enjoy.Women aren’t supposed to be engineers, they aren’t as good at that stuff as men I love that you earn a good wageI hate that you earn more than meI love that you surf, we can spend time together this wayYou shouldn’t surf, it’s not feminineYou shouldn’t call your stomach your guts, it’s not feminine

• Your arse is too big, you should work on that and get the meat off
• Your arse is too small, you should work on that and put some meat on
• You should wear nice clothes to work, not king gees, maybe a dress?
• You shouldn’t burp, it’s not feminine
• You should wear clothes more often
• You should sleep naked more often
• I like how confident you are
• I wish you were less outgoing
• Dresses suit you better than pants
• Pants suit you better than dresses
• You should wear heels all the time, they’re so feminine
• You shouldn’t wear heels, you’re too tall, it’s not feminine
• I liked you better when you didn’t like me, you should go back to not liking me 
• Maybe you should clean your car, or at least remove the old McDonalds rubbish
• Your jiggly bits jiggle
• You should learn how to cook so you don’t poison us again

 

Positive perspectives

I’ve stopped watching the news or reading the news paper. There is so much negativity in the world and I don’t need to hear about mass genocides or terrible accidents first thing in the morning. I am aware of world dramas but I don’t need to be reminded of it daily.
The world is a wonderful place. That is my perspective so that is my reality. I surround myself with wonderful people that make me smile everyday. I am grateful of the privileged life I lead and i always try to appreciate the beauty in the world around me.

I am often astounded at how often people are negative about their lives. It’s easy to do, we all have problems but imagine what a world we would live in if everybody had a positive attitude everyday? Suicide is the leading cause of death in young Australians. Higher than road accidents. That is a horrendous statistic. In a world where billions have no clean drinking water we are privileged beyond belief – and yet thousands kill themselves. It doesn’t make sense. Their perspective needs to be altered.
My mother has a saying, if everyone put their problems in a pile and you had to pick one, you’d pick your own back up. Hmm, starvation or boy dramas? Tough choice. Htfu.

So ke garne? What to do? Your perspective is your reality, hence you can make the world a better place by changing someone else’s perspective.
I’d like everyone to take this thought and do three things.
Firstly, think about what your grateful for in your life and post it on Facebook. If it’s a person, tell them or tag them.
Secondly, next time you think something positive about someone, tell them. It could be a random stranger with killer shoes or the guy at the takeaway shop that makes your sandwich just right. Share your happiness and appreciation.
Thirdly, this is the easiest, smile and say hi to a random stranger. Ever been having a really bad day and a simple act of a stranger has lifted your mood? You might even make a friend.

Last thought: If every time you said something negative you counteracted it with two positive statements the world would be a better place, not just your life, but everyone you come across. Imagine if they did the same.

16th April 2012

Millet Meditation

‘They could make a meditation class out of this’ I thought to myself as I wielded the sickle in my hand. I grabbed the millet with my left hand and sliced it clear with the sickle in my right. Very Zen. I tossed the millet head into the basket and glanced over at the grandmother standing next to me. She was repeating my action with increased skill and speed. She was at least a foot shorter than me, which made her the ideal height for harvesting millet, unlike myself. I stood stooped with my knees slightly bent and my back hunched to just reach the millet heads. I was contemplating if kneeling would be a better idea.

Grandma gave me a kind smile for my harvesting attempts. She was swathed in clothes but looked so small and fragile underneath. She had a large cloth wrap around her head, which held her hair up and trailed down her back. She wore a fake North Face fleece jumper, traditional Nepalese printed skirt, trekking socks that were at least 5 sizes too big for her and a very worn pair of pink crocs. Her face and hands were dark leather from 50 years of hard work in the sun. The only lines imprinted on her face were from smiling and as she caught my gaze she showed how they had come to be with a gentle grin. Her hands continued to slice through the millet stems as though they had eyes themselves. Her decorative, oversized nose ring jangled and swung as she worked. It was still a present symbol of her marriage although her husband had died 26 years ago.
We worked in silent unison, swapping places occasionally so she could clear the stalks from where I had collected the millet. I would happily do this all day, however my back began to say otherwise. I loved the simplicity, the fact that the food that grows is the food we eat, that no capitalist business venture is sought, no fat cats or middle management bullshit. We plant the millet, then when it grows, we harvest it, then we plant oats, then we harvest it and so the cycle goes.
The family’s chickens ran around us, keen to steal a piece of millet from our basket. Grandma shoed them off and gently scolded them. Local villagers walked past and we greeted them while continuing our work. Each commented on the white girl “Mya” who was helping in the field. The unanimous verdict was that I looked quite hilarious.
The sun dipped beneath the hill and dusk was upon us. The fading light meant it was quitting time. Grandma stood up, said something in Nepali to me and smiled. I must have looked blank as she tried again, simpler sentences this time, “Dhanyabad…. Chia?” I smiled and followed her inside, nothing is started or finished in Nepal without tea.

 

2012: What do I do now?

In the last week I have returned home to Australia and my life has taken an unexpected turn. Subsequently most of my future plans have a giant question mark over them and I am now faced with endless possibilities.

Every situation you find yourself in can either be positive or negative dependant on your perspective. It’s a tempting safe and easy option to decide to stay in bed for a week (or a month) or blame everyone else, but that’s not me. Some of my strongest qualities (in my opinion) is my unwavering naive optimism and my stubborn determination. Unfortunately, this coupled with a innate trust in my fellow man that often leaves me with deep scars, but better to trust and be hurt than to not trust anyone.. Theoretically.

So here I am.
I am young and healthy with cash in the bank, no where to be and no one to answer too. It is a difficult but enviable situation to be in.
I appreciate how lucky I am to be in this privileged situation where I have choices, BUT…. What do I do next? Where do I go? What will happen to me? Will I be OK? Am I able to deal with whatever comes my way?
My choices and options are only limited by my imagination, capabilities and guts to see it through, which (fingers crossed) isn’t much of a limit.

Here are a few of my thoughts and options, feel free to vote.

• Work in the Northern Rivers as a reliability engineer and live at the beach
• Move back to Newcastle to work
• Become a full time uni student at Tweed Heads
• Migrate to Canada with a 2 year visa and go skiing everyday
• Sign up for Medecins Sans Frontieres and go work in a war zone for a year
• Become a maintenance consultant in Sydney
• Buy a van and travel around Aus
• Go work in the middle of nowhere (mining towns) earning big bucks
• Work with indigenous communities in rural Australia
• Save up a house deposit and buy a house to renovate
• Join the Army (combat engineer)
• Work as a farm hand sheering sheep
• Fall in love with the next guy who asks me out (probable)
• Become a lesbian hippy in a commune in Byron Bay
• Become a monk/nun and move to Asia
• Walk/hitch from the East coast of Aus to the West coast
• Go back to Nepal and live in the hills
• Pack my backpack and hop back on a plane

When I look at my options I’m overwhelmed. I can’t help but want to go back to the original plan, the only one that is unavailable. My life so far has been sculptured by random off the cuff suggestions combined with a hint of opportunity and I have no doubt that the next steps will be by this method also. I just have no idea what that may be… 

Bob Marley

Bob Marley’s music is an international language.

His music has survived several generations and spread across the entire world. Every country I have been to there has been Bob Marley playing at some point. And why not? The laid back tunes fit the hostel demographic perfectly. They’re about enjoying life, accepting others and generally being happy. Who could have a problem with that?

One of my favourite songs is ‘Three Little Birds’
The lyrics tell a story of him waking up and three little birds on his doorstep are singing to him. The birds sing to him “Don’t worry ’bout a thing, ‘Cause every little thing [is] gonna be all right.”

Like all of his songs it’s open for interpretation. Some would say he forgot to mention his morning joint that causes the birds to speak directly to him. But I prefer to interpret it as how we should all see the world. Wake up, the sun is shining, it’s a beautiful day and everything is going to be all right. Happy days! Imagine if the whole word thought like that. Imagine if every morning three little birds reassured you, how different would your day be with a carefree, optimistic attitude?

14th Nov 2011

Why me?

The phrase “Why me?” is synonymous with tragedy, misfortune and loss. But recently I have been thinking it for the opposite reason.

I was born in a country where healthcare is provided to all and freedom is a right. I was born without health issues and have suffered no accidents. I have a loving family, an extensive education, little to no health worries, a large earning potential and no major misfortunes in my life. I have travelled the world, laughed with friends, experienced love and have a wonderful man by my side.
I am a lucky woman.
But why me?
Many people in the world, and indeed in my life, have suffered misfortunes. Some of which are serious health problems that range from genetic to accidental or environmental, all through no fault of their own.

How did I get off unscathed?

In ancient Rome they believed that Fortuna would grant either spoils or ruins dependant solely on her whim and the resultant spin of the wheel of fortune. Larry Emdur was of the same belief.
Some Buddhists believe that your fate is dependant on your past actions, even from a past life. Perhaps I was well behaved?
The Christian religion believe that it is Gods will and he has a plan for us all. Perhaps he has a nice plan for me?

I would ask what I have done to deserve my good fortune and my ability to always land on my feet, but I don’t believe that life is fair. Life is Life. Everyone is trying to avoid suffering and find happiness, despite what situation they find themselves in.

Whatever the reason we all will have misfortune throughout our lives. Perhaps it is the optimist in me that glazes over the inconsequential misfortunes in my life (not being rich/famous/stunningly beautiful) or the comparison of mine to ‘what could have been’ makes them insignificant.

Whatever the case I have lived well and lived happily for 25 years. And for that I am grateful and content.

 30th Sept 2011

Seagulls and relationship success – Relationship choices 2

In my last post I talked about our evolution of mind over biological urges and relationship choices. The choice to stay together.
Seagulls have a biological urge to be in a monogamous long term relationship. I’m not sure how much of their tiny brain decides which partner they pick, but I’m sure it makes sense to them at the time.

However, like humans, not all relationships last. Sometimes you bicker too much or cant agree where to make your nest, or he never finds his share of the chips. So what do you do when society, your biology and your mind are telling you to try to make it work, when it just isn’t?

Seagulls have a 25% divorce rate.

Numerous psychologists use this research to help people accept that divorce is OK. That you tried but it just wouldn’t work, and that’s OK.

I’m of the belief that relationship success is not dependant on how it ends, or lack of an ending.

Is a marriage where both parties are unhappy, but stay together successful? I think not.

A relationship that is/was happy, filled with treasured memories and learnings is a successful one. If it ends because it had stopped fitting that criteria, despite all attempts, then kudos to you for being honest. If you managed to get through the breakup without throwing objects at each other or hiring a lawyer and you still remain friends, even greater kudos to both of you!

Divorce is common and becoming more so. It is accepted in society, even though those undergoing a divorce can often struggle to accept it. I hope I never have to find out what a divorce is like. If seagulls can accept that they need to get a divorce, do so and happily move on to find a successful relationship, then maybe there is hope for all of us, and our souls…

Simple Joys

For Robert Fulgham it was crayons and climbing trees, for me it’s brightly coloured nail polish and singing loudly in my car. Everyone has a simple joy that makes them smile. Something they probably don’t openly disclose to their loved ones. Not because its bad, but because the fabric of society is built on the perception that adults don’t relish in such things.
But seriously, who doesn’t go out of their way to step on the crunchy leaf, or hum a few verses in an empty echoing hallway.
The reader opinion section of the metro paper is always full of “Am I too old to (insert strange habit here).” I think the strangest one was “eat custard and jelly.” I was of the opinion that it was suitable for all ages and abilities, hence its prevalence with infants, the elderly and in hospitals. But that’s the English for you.

I have often pondered the line between innocent indulgence and the beginnings of insanity. Is saying hello to staring cattle too far? Or using inappropriate slang for your ethnicity and age? If I want to eat fairy bread or buy children’s stationary, because that simple joy makes me smile, is that acceptable? And more importantly who’s to judge?

Let he who is without simple joys cast the first stone? Perhaps we should just buy him a box of crayons instead.